Tomasito's Diary
Sex and the City - A Column

| 05 | The Wrong People |

Do we always fall in love with the wrong people?

Apparently human beings have a pattern – a pattern with whom to fall in love. And what is the curious thing about it? It’s always the wrong people. Okay, let’s start with a more rational base. Leaving out the ‘love on first sight’ phenomenon, you have first a crush on a person. You see her, you get to know her, you like her physical appearance, you find out that she’s a really kind and lovely person and you’d like to get a bit closer to her.

Then one of the following three things does normally happen:

1. You are talking and suddenly you hear her saying something like “oh yes, I know that place, next week my boyfriend wanted to take me there…” and innerly you freeze to minus 280 degrees Celsius.

2. You are talking with a friend of hers and she asks you: “But do you know that she has a boyfriend…?”

3. She doesn’t say anything about a boyfriend. You get closer and you know she likes you. Then:

a) You want to kiss her but she denies and only then she admits the presence of a boyfriend.

b) You kiss her and it’s all beautiful, romantic and you are both on cloud number nine. You both agree and look forward to meet again the very next day, and she says she will phone you. Full of hopes and expectation like a child before Christmas you wait the following day for a sign of hers. But nothing, it’s already five o’clock in the afternoon, then it’s turning seven. Eight. Eight thirty. You think, maybe I just try to call her; maybe she doesn’t have money on her mobile phone. You call – it rings once, twice, three times, four times, eight, twelve, sixteen times, an eternity. You think that she maybe left her mobile phone at home and she still didn’t get home. You decide to write a text message. Something like “call me when you’re home” or “what about if meet at 22 h there and there”. No answer. You assume that something might have happened. Yesterday it was so beautiful, so it just can’t be possible that she’s not returning your call. Maybe an accident… But what can you do? Actually nothing. Just wait. Then at midnight you get a SMS: “Sorry, today was just not my day.” You want to call her up and see how she is. Maybe she needs somebody to talk about her day. You call and after three rings she hangs up on you – “The person you have called is temporarily not available.” Actually you shouldn’t have tried to call her. Already after her text message it was the right moment to start believing that she has a boyfriend. And supposedly she was speaking with him on the phone sometime during the day and that made her think about her relationship(s).

One of the things definitely happens. And it’s just because we have this pattern of with whom we fall in love. It is like in the film “Groundhog Day”, where Bill Murray wakes up every morning and the day keeps on repeating itself. Does the same happen to life? Do we always stick to our pattern, do we always like the people of the same kind, do we always have crushes on somebody who is already together with somebody?

And if so there must be a consequence to our self-esteem. Is there also a pattern that nobody drops her current boy-/girlfriend just for us? Why do we always have to feel just like a “second dish”? If we at least could be the dessert...


Site by Tomasito - 23.11.2003